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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 09:05 AM Thread Starter
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Republicans and Democrats

Just another politically incorrect joke... :lol: :lol:


Doug... 8)

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Grilled Republican: $20.00
Baked Democrat: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Democrat ?'
The cook replied 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap it takes all morning to get them clean enough to cook.'

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 11:13 AM
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Pile it on

The Republican Fisherman

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him; an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and; responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

Faster cars, running tractors, and rain in TX - I can dream
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 11:14 AM
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And another

Subject: A Father-Daughter Talk



A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so any
others her age, she considered herself to be a Democrat and was very much in
favor of the redistribution of wealth.



She was ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling
she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in
and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for
years harbored a selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.



One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on
the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The
self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors has to be the truth,
and she indicated so to her father.



He responded by asking how she was doing in school.



Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA and let
him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very
difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to
go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for
a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because she spent
all of her time studying.



Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"



She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes,
she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on
campus. College for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the
parties, and lots of times she doesn't show up for classes because she's too
hung over."



Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office
and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only
has a 2.0? That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would
be a fair and equitable distribution of GPA."



The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back. "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades!
I've invested a lot of time and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to
nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"



The father slowly smiled, winked, and said gently .....



......"Welcome to the Republican party."

Faster cars, running tractors, and rain in TX - I can dream
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 03:47 PM Thread Starter
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Yeeeah Baby Yeeahhaaa :lol: :lol:



Doug... 8)

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] '86 F150... 521 w/ FRPP SCJ Heads, Glide...
Best ET: 1/8---6.17 @ 112 mph N/A @ 1200'
6.34 @ 112 mph N/A @ 5000'
1/4---9.73 @ 136 mph N/A @ 1200'
9.97 @ 135 mph N/A @ 5000'
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 07:04 PM
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The difference between Democrats and Republicans:

A Democrat, upon seeing a homeless person on the street, will reach into the pockets of people passing by, pulling out cash and handing it to the homeless person.......then walk away feeling good about himself.

A Republican, upon seeing a homeless person on the street, will reach into his own pocket and pull out....not cash.....but the businees cards from at least two companies that are hiring, and handing them to the homeless person........then walk away feeling good about himself.

The older I get, the smarter Dad was.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2007, 08:58 PM
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I love it, I laughed out loud at the end of the "hot air balloon" joke.
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