I'm bored, so I had to dig through my archives... :lol: :lol:
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and the refrigerator.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is
something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail' :twisted: :lol:
One night a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were going to have a contest, who could get more drunk. They drank and drank and they all went home. The next morning they all met at a bar and told each other what they did.
Brunette: I got so drunk, I walked in the door, and fainted.
Redhead: That ain't nuttin, I didn't even make it home.
Blonde: well I made it home, and I blew chunks.
Redhead: That isn't bad.
Blonde: you don't understand, chunks is my dog. :shock:
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.
Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my backpack... :lol: :lol: :shock: