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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2007, 12:15 AM Thread Starter
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Chuck Norris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska. Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun. Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin. Chuck Norris invented the apple. Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade. Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you. Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up. Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest. If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE! Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too. Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either. Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow. P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral. Chuck Norris' paradise is war. Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis. Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER. Chuck Norris does not love Raymond. Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time. Chuck Norris can kick start a car. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed. Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it. Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris. As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only. Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat. Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill. Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down. The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit. Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap. Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won. The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club. Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend. Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54. On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce. See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris. Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls. Chuck Norris sneezes electricity. Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself. If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces. Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life. You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle. Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off. Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day. Chuck norris invented the corndog. The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie. Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU. Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Chuck Norris belives the hype. Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways. When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold. Chuck Norris speaks in all caps. Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years. Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots. Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse. When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back. Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face. Chuck Norris can dribble a football. Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime. Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand. Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw. Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.

Oh yeah,I MET HIM , and lived ops:

God bless
Lonnie
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2007, 12:37 AM
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Man, that's friggin' awesome.... :lol: :lol: :lol: 8)




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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2007, 08:09 PM
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Osama Bin Laden was 4'2" tall until Chuck Norris kicked his ***, now he's 6'8". If Chuck Norris would have slapped that soldier in WWII instead of Patton, the kid would have had his face on the back side of his head. Chuck Norris once kicked a guy's *** so hard he has to pull down his underwear to comb his hair. LOL

Too bad he's so busy kickin butt or we could send him to Iraq and finish the problem there. So many people who need their butts kicked and only one Chuck.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2007, 09:26 PM
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And just think.....Chuck Laddel would lay waste to him. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-26-2007, 09:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck
And just think.....Chuck Laddel would lay waste to him. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Cool let's send him to Iraq if he's not too busy.

Chuck Laddel is one bad hombre also.

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