Here's a few more.... :lol: :lol: :lol:
Be C 8) 8) L,
A blonde, brunette and red head escaped from jail. They were being chased by the police. They were running through the streets when they saw an old barn. So they ran in and found three heshin bags. They all jumped in.
The coppers walked in the barn and saw the three heshin bags.
One copper goes to the other "Kick the heshin bags to make sure nothing's in them"
So the copper walks up to the heshin bag with the brunette and kicked it.
The brunette said "Meow Meow" and the coppers thought it was a cat and walked to the next heshin bag.
The copper kicked the second heshin bag with the red head in it.
The red head said "Woof Woof" so the coppers walked to the third heshin bag thinking a dog was in the second one.
The copper kicked the third heshin bag with the blonde in it.
And the blonde said "Potatoes".
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] '86 F150... 521 w/ FRPP SCJ Heads, Glide...
Best ET: 1/8---6.17 @ 112 mph N/A @ 1200'
6.34 @ 112 mph N/A @ 5000'
1/4---9.73 @ 136 mph N/A @ 1200'
9.97 @ 135 mph N/A @ 5000'