men vs. woman oil change instructions funny - 460 Ford Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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men vs. woman oil change instructions funny

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00



Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cl eaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to a void environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car fr om jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 01:35 PM
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:lol:

Or do it like me. 1) crawl under car with several wrenches of approximate size for drain plug. 2)remove plug and let oil drain into container. 3) put drain plug back in and then pour in the fresh oil. Every 3rd oil change, change filter with either Wal-Mart brand or Wix filter. Use one rubber nitrile disposable glove per oil change and 1 to 1 1/2 paper towels.
By the way, speaking of oil changes... I just recently splurged on purchasing a great condition (no rust, all options) '96 Explorer with 5.0L and all wheel drive for $250. The guy who told me of the deal said it was brought in (he works at a very large Ford dealership in Iowa) and it definately has a rod knock and no oil pressure so it needs a rebuild. Well, the oil looked terrible and had no glitter in it and the filter was actually starting to rust around the edges and was clearly at least several years old. Also, I could tell it was a valve train clatter instead of bottom end knock. Sooo, after draining the oil and pouring gasoline in the oil fill and letting it sit, a bunch of crud came out with the gas when I drained the pan. After repeating several times and with a fresh oil change, I have a great running $250 rig. The car hadn't been to the dealer for servicing since it was traded in at 84,000 miles. It still had the Ford filter.. and 160,000 miles. Yikes.

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 01:44 PM
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That must have been written by a women. After all men are idiots and can do nothing right :roll: Dont flame me I know its a joke, kinda enjoyed it too.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 03:53 PM
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wow

after draining the oil and pouring gasoline in the oil fill and letting it sit, a bunch of crud came out with the gas when I drained the pan. After repeating several times

Scott, you are a braver man than I.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 05:24 PM
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now be honest. how many of those things have happened to you?

dragon 557
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-05-2008, 05:56 PM
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Re: wow

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bigblock89
after draining the oil and pouring gasoline in the oil fill and letting it sit, a bunch of crud came out with the gas when I drained the pan. After repeating several times

Scott, you are a braver man than I.
I didn't run the engine with gasoline as a lube, but I did rock the thing side to side to swirl it around in the pan. I also pulled the oil filter and blew compressed air through the pump and pick-up tube to dislodge more of it... seemed to work well. I'd say a lot of the risks I take are based more on stupidity than bravery, but the results are close enough to the same for my standards.

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-06-2008, 10:19 AM
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It goes like this at my house

Me
Pick up case of Valvoline Race and a Motorcraft filter and a new oil pan
to hold the oil and then stack on top of the other 20 pans I've forgotten to empty at Autozone recycle tank.

Drain, new filter, reinstall plug, fill 1,000,000mile F100 POS with $45 oil and a $5 filter.


Her:
"Honey what does "check engine" mean?"
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