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Discussion Starter #1
This is hilarious.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Doug... 8)

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't
speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and..
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!!!

623 Posts
I posted this for our Lab, Jack Russell, Pomeranian, and Pit Bull.

Igor, the Pit, said he licked his *** first then gave you, (visitors) sugar on purpose. Said it tastes better!

222 Posts
I put it up on the fridge.
The Jack Russell Terrorist (Darla) just shook her head, opened up the fridge and took my last beer.
The Australian Shepherd (Doc) laughed and stole the Jack's (mine) beer.
The Catahoula Leopard Dog, he can't read, he stayed stretched out on the couch and as usual could care less.
Darla (the Jack) meanwhile had snuck the matches off the counter, lit the Australian's nub of a tail on fire and got her beer back.
I liked it
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