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Tech Support Request

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking of going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but Uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan Powell


Dear Jonathan Powell;

This is a common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. WARNING! DO NOT TRY TO: uninstall, delete or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to uninstall Wife 1.0 can be disastrous. Doing so may destroy your hard and/or floppy drive. Trying to uninstall or remove Wife 1.0 will destroy valuable system resources. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.

Others have tried to run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running. Eventually Wife 1.0 detects Girlfriend 2.0 and a system conflict occurs. This can lead to a non-recoverable system crash. Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often their systems have become infected with a virus. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button and then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance. Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0 - monthly use of utilities such as TLC and FTD. Also frequently use Communicator 5.0.

Tech Support
 

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That's hilarious :lol: :lol: :lol: . I concur. Most of it is true.


Doug... 8)
 

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Dear Sir:



Thank you for your e-mail concerning Wife 1.0. Our reseller’s agreement prohibits us from providing you with direct support, so you need to direct your question to the appropriate party. But I can try and give you some helpful advise.


You clearly have installed incompatible adapters that simply won’t run with each other. And, why anyone would want to upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 is beyond reason. You are simply inviting trouble when you do so, and frankly you deserve what you get.

However, you have several options available to you:


  • Make the best of the situation- Install Bigamy 4.0. This allows you to run Wife 1.0 on more than one computer at a time. Just make sure you run them on computers in different cities, and never, ever let any of the computers know about the other at anytime.

    Take back ownership of the situation- Wife 1.0 is famous for taking over control of everything. You can therefore try and disable the Control key on your keyboard. Then install Laundry 2.0, Screaming Kid 6.5 and Grocery 3.0. This then should allow you to run your Poker Night, and Saturday Football, as well as Bowling Night, BarCrawl and Softball 2.0 while Wife 1.0 is distracted with Screaming Kid.

    Some others have had success with also installing ImaCad 4.2 which then allows you to run Belch-n-Fart, NeverShave, LazyAss and SexOnDemand in addition to the other programs mentioned above. Over a period of time, some people have even had the courage to answer “Yes” to the “Am I fat??” prompt from Wife 1.0.

    Care must be taken though not to overdo it. Wife 1.0 has been known to spontaneously download and install “Shyster Lawyer” “Cleaners” edition, and you may lose your entire system and have to pay support fees for a long, long time.

    Lastly, install and run “MurderForHire” 6.7. But by all means don’t consider this to be a permanent solution as certain forensic programs have been known to find Wife 1.0 buried in a hidden folder in the Recycle Bin years later. And that is considered to be a major violation of licensing in most communities.
So, I hope you have learned a lesson and next time stick with the Girlfriend editions and leave well enough alone.

Support.
 

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Well, it's a wife joke:


Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday! :shock:



Doug... 8)
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